This is my mommy Delphine Durden. She was born March 19. 1945 in Detroit. The youngest of seven children. She eventually left Detroit and somehow ended up in Kansas where she met my daddy Richard. They married in the 70's and raised four children. The last of that four being me.
My mommy departed this earth on April 14, 2014 at the age of 69. The months that have followed since her death has left me full of questions about my mom's life. As close as she and I were I realize I don't know her story as much as I thought I did. When writing her obituary I became increasingly frustrated with this fact. Who was Delphine the woman? What was her dreams? What was her talents? So many questions I will never be able to ask her. I no longer have the opportunity to get to know her beyond "Mom' and get to know Delphine.This fact saddens me beyond words.
My biggest fear in life has always been to lose my mother. The thought would bring me to uncontrollable tears even at a young age. I don't know when the fear began but it haunted me endlessly. As I travel this journey of grief, I realize now that this fear stemmed from the fact that my mom represented safety to me. She was a constant (sometimes overbearing) presence. She was always there. My mind would not accept the thought of a life without her. After awhile, I got even more comfortable with the thought that she would be with me forever. My mother survived so many illnesses and it seemed that she was truly invincible. She had outlived so many younger than her and she was still just as lively as ever at 69 than most. My arrogance and selfishness convinced me that we would be just like Dorothy and Sophia of The Golden Girls. Being with each other until my own old age. To think a simple kidney infection took my best friend hurts me to the core of my being.
Now faced with my biggest fear I am finding I cannot help but be consumed with several conflicting emotions. On one hand I feel a sense of freedom and courage. My mother's death did not kill me the way I always thought it would and I no longer fear my own death. I also love my family and especially my children differently. I love them harder not only in my words but with my actions. However, on the other side of this is that I do not trust people outside my circle. I have seen how death can make friends into enemies and families torn apart by their own selfish grief. So to save myself from experiencing loss I have closed myself off. Also, my relationship with my Creator has changed. I still believe in God and I love Jesus with a new zealous. But my views on "religion" and what makes a one a true "Christian" has been altered. I have only been to church once since my mom passed and that is a constant battle in my spirit. Although I have faced what I thought was my biggest fear in its place new unspoken fears have emerged.
In conclusion, like most mother/daughter relationships ours was filled with moments of not being able stand one another. However, the bond we had was undeniable. I am so blessed to have had her for 36 years and and still feel such adoration for my mommy. Everyone she met she touched in some way. I have yet to meet another person who opened her home to so many. That was my mom and in trying to discover who she was I am slowly finding out who I am. Her story did not end on that cold day in April when she took her last breath. Instead I see her story as my own story. Because I realize there would be no Tyra if there never was a Delphine.
Be blessed and encouraged<3
W.o.W MUA
My mommy departed this earth on April 14, 2014 at the age of 69. The months that have followed since her death has left me full of questions about my mom's life. As close as she and I were I realize I don't know her story as much as I thought I did. When writing her obituary I became increasingly frustrated with this fact. Who was Delphine the woman? What was her dreams? What was her talents? So many questions I will never be able to ask her. I no longer have the opportunity to get to know her beyond "Mom' and get to know Delphine.This fact saddens me beyond words.
My biggest fear in life has always been to lose my mother. The thought would bring me to uncontrollable tears even at a young age. I don't know when the fear began but it haunted me endlessly. As I travel this journey of grief, I realize now that this fear stemmed from the fact that my mom represented safety to me. She was a constant (sometimes overbearing) presence. She was always there. My mind would not accept the thought of a life without her. After awhile, I got even more comfortable with the thought that she would be with me forever. My mother survived so many illnesses and it seemed that she was truly invincible. She had outlived so many younger than her and she was still just as lively as ever at 69 than most. My arrogance and selfishness convinced me that we would be just like Dorothy and Sophia of The Golden Girls. Being with each other until my own old age. To think a simple kidney infection took my best friend hurts me to the core of my being.
Now faced with my biggest fear I am finding I cannot help but be consumed with several conflicting emotions. On one hand I feel a sense of freedom and courage. My mother's death did not kill me the way I always thought it would and I no longer fear my own death. I also love my family and especially my children differently. I love them harder not only in my words but with my actions. However, on the other side of this is that I do not trust people outside my circle. I have seen how death can make friends into enemies and families torn apart by their own selfish grief. So to save myself from experiencing loss I have closed myself off. Also, my relationship with my Creator has changed. I still believe in God and I love Jesus with a new zealous. But my views on "religion" and what makes a one a true "Christian" has been altered. I have only been to church once since my mom passed and that is a constant battle in my spirit. Although I have faced what I thought was my biggest fear in its place new unspoken fears have emerged.
In conclusion, like most mother/daughter relationships ours was filled with moments of not being able stand one another. However, the bond we had was undeniable. I am so blessed to have had her for 36 years and and still feel such adoration for my mommy. Everyone she met she touched in some way. I have yet to meet another person who opened her home to so many. That was my mom and in trying to discover who she was I am slowly finding out who I am. Her story did not end on that cold day in April when she took her last breath. Instead I see her story as my own story. Because I realize there would be no Tyra if there never was a Delphine.
Be blessed and encouraged<3
W.o.W MUA